Sunday, October 30, 2011

The 3 Card Parenting Solution

There was a time a couple of years ago when emotions were running high in our home with our daughter. I needed a way to communicate consequences to her, without getting drawn in to the heat of the moment. I developed this little 1, 2, 3 card system that worked like a dream. When I started to get some "attitude" about something, I would hand her the card, "Turn that frown upside down." Because we had gone over the cards ahead of time, she knew this was step one. If it continued, she was handed card #2 , and so on. The beauty of this little system is that it takes the emotion completely out of dynamic. It is almost as if the cards are doing the disciplining. Plus, there isn't an opportunity for the all-popular "power struggle" to occur. The frustration is against the cards. :)
This can be created for any child, and the cards can relate directly to an issue, or can be general consequences. The ideas are endless. Have fun with this and try it! I did find that both my daughter and I would smile when I handed her a card. We hardly ever had to get to #2.

Words of Life for Kids

Have you ever had the sinking feeling that you just said or did something, as a parent, that has hurt the heart or spirit of one of your children? I had that happen the other day. It wasn't that I meant to hurt her, or that it was intentional... it just happened. The product of carelessness. I didn't say anything directly, but I asked an off-hand question jokingly that communicated a message to her. We can brush these off, but I really don't believe that brings any kind of true peace -- for the parent or child. I have found the only way to navigate those not-so-shining parenting moments is through humility. I told my daughter before bed that I had been careless with my words -- it was a bad joke, and I asked her if she would forgive me. She said she would. I'm always amazed at how quickly my kids forgive. They respond to a humble spirit, and it allows me to point to Christ as the One who gives grace, who authors forgiveness, and who reconciles. My children see that I am not perfect, that I need forgiveness, and that I am continually on a journey. I want them to know the "real," not the "fake,"the authentic, even if it means we have to sit in the mud for a while.
It hurts my heart when I make a mistake with one of my children. I work hard to build them up, to encourage who they are, to make sure they know that God directs their path and has a plan for their life. Then I somehow tear that down in a moment through a spoken word. OUCH. It is no wonder the Bible says in Proverbs 18:21 that the tongue can bring "life or death," or that is says in Proverbs 21:23, "Watch your tongue and keep your mouth shut, and you will stay out of trouble."
We have a choice as parents, we can bring life to our children through our words, or death. Do we take the time to even think about what we are saying? Do we weigh our words carefully, often choosing to remain silent instead of saying how we feel in the moment? Do we fully comprehend the impact our words have on these little hearts in our care? I know for a fact that I could be doing so much more to breathe life. Sometimes it takes a concrete reminder. I know people who put 5 rocks in their pocket. By the end of the day, the goal is to give 5 encouragements and have all of the rocks in the other pocket. Whatever it takes, let us do what we need to be moms and dads who are speak life-giving words. Here are some specific ideas below taken from an article by Karen Stephens.

• Your skills are really improving; you’ve outdone your- self today!
• How kind of you to share toys with your friend. That’s very generous.
• You are taking such good care of your pet. He’s so lucky to have you!
• Now THAT’S what I call a thorough job! Thanks for picking up your toys.
• That’s a great effort; don’t worry about that small mistake.
• Keep at it; I know you’ll figure it out. How can I help?
• I love the sound of your voice.
• You are such a good learner! I’m impressed by your
• I remember when you were first learning that. You’ve
come a long way.
• You’re so fun around the house; life would be boring
without you!
• What would I have done without you today? Thanks
for cleaning the house with me.
• Our car looks spic and span, you’re a real professional!
• Great job!
• I’m so proud to tell people I’m your mom (dad).
• You’ve really improved! That’s great!
• It’s wonderful to see you so happy with your
• I appreciate your attention to detail. You are one
sharp cookie.
• Your patience is commendable. Keep at it; I know
you’ll get it yet.
• I’ve never thought of it that way. How creative!
• You’re doing a great job of controlling your anger.
• You’re on the right track! That’s using your brain.
• You’ve put a lot of careful thought into that.
• Way to go! Excellent! Superb! Amazing! Fantastic!
• Hey, you’re getting the hang of it! Your practice is really paying off.
• Now THAT’S an interesting point.Thanks for sharing it.
• Your attitude is a very respectful attitude. I appreciate that.
• You solved your problem; how clever!
• That is wonderful! Your confidence is really showing!
• How sensitive you are to your brother’s feelings.
• Your dependability makes life so much easier for me.
• I love your sense of humor. How do you think up
those jokes?
• You hang in there when the going gets tough. You’re a
strong person.
• Look how much progress you’ve made.You should be
• Hey, relax for a while; you deserve a break.
• What a good memory you have. That effort deserves a
high five!
• I really enjoyed your performance. No one could have
done it better.
• Keep trying; I know you can work this frustrating
problem out.
• How calm you were when you got that bad news.
You are really maturing.
• It’s a real gift to me when you do your chores without
being reminded.
• I have to hand it to you; you did exactly what you set
out to do.
• Congratulations, you can be proud of your achieve-
• I LOVE watching you grow up. You never cease to
amaze me.
• You are such an interesting person. I can’t imagine life
without you.

Apple Day!

Apple Day has been a long standing tradition in our house. This picture makes me want to cry because it is from a couple of years ago, and I just cannot stand how fast they are growing up! It makes me realize how special this day is in creating all of the warm feelings of fall -- the smell of apples cooking, a pumpkin spice candle burning, Vivaldi playing in the background (my favorite canning music for some reason), happy noises coming from the kids working together, and the familiar "pop" of canning lids sealing. It truly is a day that makes me HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY. It's all that good in life!
Apple Day begins here:
We are fortunate enough to live close to one of the most beautiful orchard areas in the Northwest: Greenbluff. Hansen's Orchard is owned by family friends, and we think they have the absolute BEST apples & cider on the Bluff!

We try to time it so that we process the apples in the same week they are picked. I learned this the hard way some years back. The apples are much harder to work with after they have softened up even a little bit.
Here's why. This fantastic gadget peels, cores, and slices the apples. If they are hard, it is a snap. If they are soft.... it turns to a mushy, mashy mess.

We make chunky applesauce.
Dried Apples.

And the very favorite: APPLESAUCE

OK -- this is a close favorite runner-up: APPLE CRISP.

I couldn't resist putting in this picture from Apple Day last year. So much love going around -- warms a mama's heart it does!!
Ohhhh ya -- this one too: APPLE PIES

It's a lot, I know, and make no mistake -- we are exhausted by the end of the day, but it's that good kind of exhausted. The kind that lets the heart and body know that it has been a day well spent. Those are the best kind!